Posts tagged WTF News

mi6

Dead MI6 Spy had Expensive Collection of Dresses

Your thinking, what is the story here? What isn’t the story here my friend. Back in August, a male MI6 worker was found dead at his home, in a carry-all suitcase. It has now been revealed that the man had a taste for the more feminine side of luxury. British detectives believe the death of the MI6 spy Gareth Williams will be solved by getting an insight into his private life after they revealed he had visited bondage websites and a drag club and had £15,000 ($23,000) worth of unworn designer dresses in his wardrobe.

mi6

Mr Williams’s decomposed body was discovered in a padlocked bag in his apartment, about a kilometre from MI6 headquarters in London where he was a senior analyst. Police believe he died a week earlier, early on August 16, and that someone else was present. Tests have shown no signs of a struggle or forced entry and no sign that he was drugged.

He used his iPhone to visit websites on bondage and escaping from bondage. He must have been padlocked into the bag by someone else as it was impossible for him to have locked himself inside. When Mr Williams’s remains were found by police on August 23, they also discovered £15,000 of unworn women’s dresses, wigs and shoes in his wardrobe. Speculation has been rife that Mr Williams’s highly secretive work might explain his death. He worked as an expert on codes at the government’s eavesdropping centre in Cheltenham, in the west of England, before moving to MI6 on a secondment.

How to Zombie Proof Your Vehicle

There are so many things you need to take into account in the event of a zombie attack. One of the most difficult yet necessary tasks you will face trying to survive outbreak is travel. Even if you have successfully barricade yourselves inside a large supermarket or mall and purge it of all un-dead shoppers, you will need to move around eventually to find new stocks of food, water, bullets, fuel and of course, Twinkies.

First of all you need to choose which vehicle you need before you start making it zombie proof. As much as now would be a great time to take yourself a Ferrari and not get caught for speeding, sports cars are too small to carry supplies and are not strong enough to smash through zombies. It is strongly recommended that you equip yourself with either used vans or large 4x4s. 4wd will allow you to drive over debris that will likely litter the roads of the post apocalyptic world as well as allowing you to take off the roads to find newer and safer land. Vans will give you the much added bonus of more space for supplies, as well as the strength you will need to smash into zombies whilst driving if necessary.

Here is a instructional video, that might just save your life one day.

John Cage silence

Silence for Christmas Number 1

This is perhaps my favourite Christmas single release of all time. If not the only one I will ever buy. You will no doubt have heard of last years succesful campaign to get Rage Against the Machine to Number 1 in order to beat the winner of X Factor in protest of its awfulness, and Simon Cowell. This year could prove to be even more embarrassing for the both Cowell and his TV show.

John Cage silence

I am totally for this protest. I think the X Factor is quite simply gross. It is so false. None of these people will be successful and few are even remotely talented. But what I hate most about it is that it is forced upon us. How many people really want another series of this shit year in year out? Let alone the awful horrible songs these people are forced to sing on the show. Simon Cowell, you are past it. You have not successfully found a good artists for the best part of a decade. You are forcing bad music that you wish to remain on us because you can. Nobody wants to listen to Westlife covers any more! Nobody want a new boy band! We want new, exciting and different music that comes from people with heart and soul, that can sing and write music. The only reason people watch X Factor is because you refuse to let anyone do anything new!

So in protest this year, a group of actual respected and decent musicians are to record their version of one of the most experimental songs in music history. John Cage, for those of you that don’t know, is responsible for some of the strangest music ever written, with a passion for minimalism. This year a coalition of artists are gathering to record their version of perhaps his most profound piece 4′33″. It is essentially an orchestra sitting down at their instruments but playing nothing for the songs 4 minutes and 33 second duration.

Artists including Orbital, Imogen Heap, Pete Doherty, Billy Bragg, Coldcut, John McClure, The Kooks, Heaven 17 and The Big Pink are attending the recording session at Dean Street Studios in Soho, which will be produced by Paul Epworth, who won the Brit Award for best producer this year.

The proceeds of the track will go to charity, and would certainly outdo last years achievement of getting rage against the machine to number 1. It would without a doubt be the biggest upset to the mainstream music industry of all time, but at the same time the biggest achievement for real music fans ever. Get involved people. John Cage was a genuine legend and getting this to number 1 would allow him to have a legacy as big as he deserves.

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